Do you remember being a kid around Christmas time?  Waiting for that one present that you just KNEW you were going to get?  The anticipation and dreams of how great it would be would be chipping away at your soul like a bloodsucking demon that eats away at your insides until you violently explode. (Hey, remember Mez?)

You open it, filled with joy.  You can’t even fathom that this moment has finally arrived.  The joy you feel is similar to the relief Rudin feels receiving a joint he didn’t have to give a hand job for.  You take the gift and begin to assemble.  You don’t even know where to begin.  Your hands tremble and fumble around more than Memon’s on a first date.  (To be fair, most of the guys he dates are pretty out of his league)

Time goes on and you begin to lose interest.  You want to love this present still.  You want to continue to play with it.  Soon you find a new toy, but you really despise the idea of playing with that new toy.   After all, you’re a one toy kid.  Your relationship is one of love and devotion, similar to that found between Sohwyn and his sweaty left palm.  Sure, you COULD flip flop around toys like Munhel does realms, but you still have that sense of loyalty to the original toy.  It pains you to leave it, but you must.  You have to walk away with no feel of attachment....like Dissb during a dungeon run.

Eventually, you are drawn back.  Something about that toy lures you back in.  It is seductive and scary in its nature, like a Catholic priest teaching an altar boy how to bob for apples for the first time.  (Right Jaxxel?)

 You realize that although this toy doesn’t hold your interest as long as it used to, the comfort level is still there.  A lot of the same feelings of joy return and you again find yourself wanting to find a reason to love it again.  You realize, though, how pathetic you are in your journey.  It can only end in disappointment.  The kind of disappointment Cillard must feel every day waking up in Canada.  Yeah, you're living and breathing...but any hope of having a significant impact on the world is gone.

You will trudge on, though, in a continuous search for what might be…. even if that means only 15 seconds of joy after years of torture and self reflection on the choices you once made (Hey, at least you’ll end up knowing how Covenn’s wife feels).

I shall remain here though…devoted to the one true toy of my dreams.  I’ll probably be more filled with rage than some sort of sick monster formed between the mating of Aledric and Bilby…but I’ll be here.

-Reac